I appreciate that this Blog has something of an identity crisis. On
first sight it may appear to be an advertising/marketing tool for Arwenack
Celebrants, on further reading some might view it as a (sociological)
reflection on civil celebrancy, and yet others may read it as a grief memoir.
It is of course all of these things because ultimately every text we produce is
in some ways an auto/biographical endeavour involving not only intersections of
the lives of those who write and those who are written about but also insights
into the writer’s own history, interests and values.
My adult life has been peppered by experiences that following Michael
Bury (1982) we might call ‘biographical disruption’. Bury’s analysis related to
chronic ill-health which others have engaged with and extended to include
bereavement, unemployment and other losses. Biographical disruption results in
‘the structures of everyday life and the forms of knowledge which underpin
them’ being disrupted, if only for a time (Bury ibid). With reference specifically to death and bereavement: my
dad died when I was 20, I miscarried my only (to my knowledge) biological
child in my mid-20s, my second husband died five years ago when I was in my
very early 50s and three and a half years ago the person who was my main
support and source of comfort throughout all of these (and other difficult)
experiences, my mum, died. In addition, other extended family members and close
friends have died over the years and as such I feel that I have had my fair
share of loss and that I have become something of an expert in bereavement and
grief, which includes, but is not limited to, what Robert Howell (2013)
describes as the ‘significant reorganisation of one’s sense of self, for better
or worse’ following the death of a significant other(s).
Unable to continue my job as a nursery nurse following my miscarriage I
looked for something to fill my time with an A Level in Sociology helping to do
this. I didn’t stop at an A Level and during my undergraduate degree, my
doctorate, my 21 years of full time teaching and research and now my freelance
sociological activities (undertaken alongside my work as a Civil Celebrant and
my Blog and fiction writing) I have been conscious that not only did an
experience of loss bring me to sociology but that sociology has been
significant in the way that I ‘do’ grief and bereavement. So, my engagement
with sociology has not only helped to shape my identity and influenced my
experience of important life events and experiences but it’s also given me a
language to articulate my feelings and reflections with reference to myself and
others.
I am writing this – the first in a series of entries on my route to and
particular engagement with civil celebrancy (and this Blog) – during my eighth
or ninth stay (I’ve lost count) at Retreats For You http://www.retreatsforyou.co.uk/. Here is an
extract from something I wrote following my second visit early in 2013:
 |
| My Retreats For You Desk |
I am in Sheepwash, North Devon at Retreats For You . . . I'm
attempting to write a novel (a little revelation here) and like other writers
of all sorts I find the welcome, warmth and supportive atmosphere here both
stimulates and challenges me. . . . Deborah Dooley and Bob Cooper who run the
retreat are looking after me, and providing me (in their effortless way) with
good food, good company and lots of time to myself when I want it. It's late
February and very cold. . . . [before going out for a walk I] look in the
mirror and there she is, my mum - my Dorothy - looking back at me. I am
shocked but pleased and I take of my glasses (which I need for long but not
short distance vision) to get a better look. It's the way the hat frames my
face that highlights the features I've inherited from my mother. I'm usually compared
to my father in looks. She's always with me, in my head and my heart. Now I see
her in my face as well (Letherby 2015).
To be continued . . .
Bury, M. (1982) ‘Chronic Illness as Biographical
Disruption’ Sociology of Health and Illness 13
Howell, R. (2013) ‘I’m Not the Man I was:
reflections on becoming a widower’ Illness, Crisis and Loss 21(1)
Letherby, G. (2015) ‘Bathwater, Babies and Other
Losses: A Personal and Academic Story’ Mortality: Promoting
the interdisciplinary study of death and dying 20(2)
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